You could be forgiven for thinking that from my first posting of my blog that I'm a shrinking wall flower, full of self doubt, but truth be told at 5'10" with hair the color of fire and the steeliest of blue eyes it's kind of hard at times not to stand out and trust me after the childhood I've had I love to be noticed occasionally, but hey who doesn't?!
So here I am sat in a coffee shop waiting on a friend to turn up, she's not late, I'm early as always, no tolerance for tardiness I'm afraid. As I sit here I find myself looking around and my vision falls upon an Army Major, at first he is afforded the quiet he is searching for, however his peace is quickly shattered as others come and chat about world politics and in-depth conversations ensue. He is not the only person in uniform, you see, I live in a military community and on a daily basis I come across the Marines, Air Force, Army and Coast Guard, along with DOD Civilians and Contractors, each one of them vying for attention and many of them filled with their own self importance, the majority however come across as the most unassuming down to earth people always ready to pass on a smile.
As I sit and watch those around me, unable to block out boastful rantings, I wonder to myself if I am one of only a handful of people that can't bear that kind of behavior and did my attitude come from a mother that never ever praised me or told others of my achievements. Today I hold graduate certificates in Alternative Dispute Resolution and various other certificates in legal studies, but the only people aware of my achievements are my husband and young son, my young son not understanding what it all means yet. I haven't told my mother of my studies, mainly because I don't want to deal with her total lack of interest, so I keep it to myself and carry on. Now here's the thing, if my mother had shown interest in me when I was younger, shown just once that I had actually done something good, would I have grown boastful and proud, like the loud man at the table next to me, or would I have shied away and kept my achievements to myself? To be honest I would hope that I would handle myself much better than this man, going on about how wonderful he is and that he is far superior to those around him, he has only reinforced the disdain I have for loud, attention seeking, bully boys/girls.
In the next couple of weeks I am sure I will return to the coffee shop, I will sit in a corner and people watch, I will wait for my husband or my friends and I am sure I will sit and watch, watching those men and women in uniform come in in the hope of a few minutes respite from their long days. I'll listen to the civilians and contractors complain about about job loss and budget cuts and I'll be thankful, thankful for all of these people helping to protect my and our country, thankful for my amazing veteran husband and a wonderful little boy that calls me Mommy.
No I am no shrinking violet and when I need confidence I have it, but for now sitting in the coffee shop I will observe and go mainly unnoticed, happy in my own little world. My friend and her son have just turned up and I can't wait to catch up on her news, she will PCS shortly and spending time with her now is a bonus.
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