You know when there is something needs talking about and its just left hanging there, no one utters a word for fear of starting an argument or upsetting someone, it just sits there silently screaming to be acknowledged, but no one dare. Well, my husband and I are having this issue at the moment and its tough. The elephant in our room is his beautiful, almost 11 year old daughter, who he hasn't seen properly in 5 years, she hasn't done anything wrong, but she has done something and its something we're worried about.
There is a Facebook page that my husband set up for his two children in the hope that they would one day coming looking for him. He didn't think that they would come looking for him so soon, after all neither one of them are 13 yet, so really in our opinion, shouldn't have full unrestricted access to the internet or have a Facebook page; however, on Monday whilst getting ready to post on the page he got the shock of his life, his daughter had sent him a message. Her message basically said she missed her Daddy so much and that in her words "I saw your statuses and I really thought wrong of you.", she asked Daddy to keep it a secret she had been in touch with him, she didn't want anyone to know. Obviously my husband was shocked and excited all the same time, plus wary and skeptical due to the threats that had been made years before, threats about wanting to have contact with his children and if he carried on his ex wife was going to lie to the courts and have our son taken away. So there it is, his daughter had gone looking for him, on Mother's Day no less, and now he has to figure out what to do about it.
We talked about the message, the wording and the day she had actually sent it. The wording in some parts was not that of a 10 year old, but more a 10 year old being told what to say by an adult, strange and disturbing, is it my husbands ex wife playing games again after keeping the children away for 5 years? Another thing we thought was odd was that his daughter had chosen Mother's Day to go looking for him and send him a message; my husband was going to put a status message up saying how much he loved and missed them, how he hoped they were safe and well and thats when he found the message on Monday. So exactly what was it that had his daughter go in search of him?
Since the arrival of the message my husband has spoken via Facebook to his daughter twice, both were nervous and somewhat reserved, my husband for fear that this is a hoax by his ex wife and his daughter's nervousness may be for fear of being caught talking to her Daddy. Truth is, it's a tough situation for all involved, I want to encourage my husband to talk to his daughter and get to know her, but I don't want to push him, he wants to get to know his daughter but he is afraid of getting her in trouble and scaring her off, so instead we talk about it and right now our home is one of tension and anxiety.
My husband is so desperate to re-connect with his kids, to be a part of their life, but his ex wife has made many threats and quite honestly she took two of his children away and has said if she doesn't get her way she will make sure he has another child taken away, so he's in a situation where he has to tread carefully and sneak around. Personally I'm not one for lies and secrets, I can't handle being in that kind of situation, I get nervous and fidgety, it's just not something I deal with well and I also see it getting to my husband as well.
Wow I'm rambling, may be because there is so much nervous tension in the air, the excitement of the unknown and trying to figure out what to say and do, I just don't know, but the air is thick with it. I feel for my husband, it is hard for him not knowing how the kids are, where they are or having any contact with them, but now he has all these thoughts running wild in his head, he still doesn't know where they are, but he does know that his daughter appears happy, which is a huge relief for him.
So what now, where do we go from here, are all our conversations going to be about his children, they were always a part of our day to day chatter anyway, but now that appears to be the main focus and I see it tearing my husband up, he is lost and confused, afraid that if he tries too hard to get to know his daughter she will run away.
My husband is a strong man, he has served his country well and he is not a quitter. His ex wife left him for another man she had had living in their home whilst my husband was on his first tour of duty in Iraq in 2004. My husband went to court and was given visitation but his ex wife did everything she could to block him from having contact with the children, so for 5 years he has had no contact and now out of no where his world is crazy and upended and he just doesn't know what to think and do.
I will support my husband no matter what with regards his children, I know he is finding it difficult because today he asked me if that was going to be all we talked about now and I said not if he didn't want that, but then he said well if we don't it will be left hanging in the air and he said that was worse than talking about it. Only time will tell how things progress, for now though we will weather this merry-go-round of emotions together, we will laugh and cry about the good times we had with his children and we will stay hopeful that one day the bonds can be rebuilt and he can be re-united with his children, then my husband will once again be the Daddy he wants to be to his children.
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