Recently a second cousin of mine got in touch, to say I was shocked and surprised is an understatement of massive proportions, after all I hadn't seen her since she was about 5 years old.
I have to say I am only 9 years older than my second cousin and we lived just across the road from each other, I had been her babysitter and her playmate, especially due to the fact that neither her nor I had any other cousins close by.
So why did we lose contact for so long, why was that relationship halted all those years ago? Well, my cousin is the niece of my dad and you would think after my parents divorce my mother would stop me having contact but at least this one time she is not to blame for broken down relationships, no, that lay squarely at the feet of my adult cousin.
My young cousin would often ask me why my dad was married to someone else and not my mom, she would ask why I didn't see my dad, she was 5 and her family were still together and happy and for her young mind it was hard to comprehend, so I tried to explain it as best I could without adding more confusion to the situation. I told her my parents were divorced and now lived in separate houses, that my dad had remarried and was very happy and I never said more than that. Now here's the kicker, my cousin hated that I spoke about my dad, she said it wasn't fair to her children that I speak of him, so she forbade me to talk about him or ask about him.
My cousin had been my only link to my dad, she had been the person I would go to to ask if my dad was ok, now she may have had other reasons as to why I couldn't talk about my dad other than the confusion to her children, namely she thought I was asking questions so that I could pass on information to my mother, but I had learned to never talk about my dad in my mothers house, so I kept all information about him to myself.
Now with my second cousin getting in touch it has brought all the emotions of that time flooding back.
All I had ever wanted was to be a part of my dads family, to know that he was ok and still thought of me, I still wanted to be a part of him. I remember feeling so alone and lost at not being able to ask about my dad or talk about it, it was bad enough my mother had banned any talk of him, but for my cousin, my dads flesh and blood to do it as well was the worst feeling ever.
Now my cousin is now divorced and I have to wonder if she stops her daughters from talking about their dad, I wonder how she would feel if someone told her daughters not to talk about her so as not to confuse their children, I'm guessing she would be hurt and angry.
To this day I am still hurt by what she said all those years ago, my anger toward her has long since subsided, but I have to wonder why women seem so hell bent on destroying relationships and lives?
I loved my dad, I love him now, but after 16 years of not knowing anything about him, his whereabouts and if he was ok has certainly taken its toll. Its hard to rebuild relationships after such a long period apart, you have to learn to trust again, and in my case, I hope that my dad will be a part of my life well into the future.
I'm older now, not one to be pushed around, I have my own opinions and thoughts and I will never again let another woman get in the way of a relationship with my dad. Adults are the ones children look up to, surely we should be setting them an example of love and family, not destruction and selfishness, not complete disregard of others feelings.
Without knowing it, my cousin had helped my mother to commit Parental Alienation, she had helped support my mothers efforts to remove my dad from my life.
Parental Alienation can be stopped if we all follow one simple rule; children come first, not mom, not dad, but the children. In my honest opinion more needs to be done to raise awareness regarding Parental Alienation, there needs to be classes about how to spot it before its too late and also the effects it has on the children, not just as children but as adults. Children have rights to a safe and loving environment and they need that even more once mom and dad split, 50/50 custody is the only way to achieve that but without the support of many people we are going to see a society of fatherless children. Please support 50/50 custody, if you see a father or mother being pushed out of a childs life, please stand up and say its not ok, please fight for that childs right to having both parents in its life.
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