My husband and I were sat talking last night, something we do every night once our son has gone to bed and we're getting a moment or two to wind down, and he told me of a photograph his friend had received from his ex wife; the photo was of her and their little boy, both of them smiling so you would presume it was sent in good faith to let him know the little boy was ok but no you are wrong, written on the photo below the little boy were the words "Happy Without You!". Yes, I was disgusted and heartbroken for my husbands friend, he loves his little boy and never wanted to be apart from him, mommy had other plans though, she had met someone else and her parents actively encouraged her to leave her husband for the other man. So she took the little boy and left to go home to Italy to be with this other man, my husbands friend on the other hand, was left with a huge child support payment and no way of ever being able to see his son again.
Now I know many women will say Parental Alienation doesn't exist, that it is just a man playing with women's emotions, that men get what they deserve, or that if the wife left the man must have done something really wrong, but I have to disagree.
89% of single parents are moms, leaving dads, if they are lucky, as visitors to their children may be four days a month and as I said if they are lucky. As much as people want to say that men don't want to be a part of their children's lives, statistics show that dad's are alienated from their children's lives almost from the start of separation and in many cases even before the separation begins, as was the case in my house as a child.
So here my husbands friend is, his wife divorced him because she cheated, she has taken more than half of his monthly salary and has taken away the bond he had with his young son, the courts of course allow and perpetuate this, they see the dad as the primary financial provider for the child and less of an emotional provider, even if the daddy has been the sole emotional and financial provider since birth. The courts are helping moms every day to commit Parental Alienation, they are helping moms force the daddy's of their children out of the children's lives for financial gain, they are allowing moms to get away with emotional abuse and alienation of affection and still we blame men on not being with their children.
My mother threw away birthday and christmas cards from my dad, she blocked his phone calls, ensured we only got to spend 8 hours a month with him and prior to her demanding he leave she did everything she could to belittle him to all and sundry and no one ever stopped her.
My husbands ex wife, had a man living with her whilst my husband was deployed to Iraq for a year. While he was gone she removed all traces of my husband from around the home and this man, the one she was cheating with, became the children's father, the morning my husband returned home the man left the residence and returned to his own base, shortly after that he returned to the US and my husbands ex wife took the children back to the US saying she was taking them on vacation and then never returned. Even before she had taken the children away she was speaking ill of my husband, she was telling the children and anyone who would listen that he was a bad etc etc, when it all came out in court that she lied she lied some more and has continued to do so for the last 10 years. My husband has sent his children cards and presents on birthdays and christmas, the children never received them, he tried calling and doing court ordered web cam, but he was refused and blocked. My Mother in Law sent writing paper, envelops and stamps for them to write to her, they were put in the trash. The children have been told that daddy doesn't want them and he doesn't love them, that he was abusive, yet we have so much proof to the contrary, from other military members and their wives, from the children themselves, from DSS saying she had them living in violent situations, yet my husband is the bad parent, we at least according to her and her family.
My husbands daughter recently got in touch on FaceBook saying how wrong she was about him and how she forgot how much fun they had had together and she missed him and couldn't believe she had found him, my husband has made a FaceBook page just for his children with photos and videos of them, she made him promise not to tell anyone that they were talking, she was just happy to be in touch again. Low and behold her FaceBook page is gone now, mommy found out and once again my husband is back to not having contact and this time it is hitting even harder because his daughter reached out and wanted him to be a part of her life.
Whether you know a parent that is blocking access of the children to the other parent, or whether you are the parent blocking access you are no better than each other and in my honest opinion the person that see's it going on and chooses to ignore it is even worse because you could try and step in and block it. I have a friend who split from her husband, neither one of them very nice to each other, but now all I ever hear from her is rubbish talk about him, how he is just the little boys sperm donor and how she hates having to hand him over to daddy on a weekend. She berates her ex husband to everyone and anyone, she made sure he got bare minimum visitation rights and hates the fact after two years he has moved on and she hasn't. She got annoyed at me when I chose to remain neutral and told her off for referring to the child's dad as a sperm donor and a few other things I choose not to repeat here, she thinks that I should support her decision to remove the daddy from their child's life, needless to say I rarely speak to her now as I can't condone that kind of emotional abuse.
Yes, I am sure there are some men that commit Parental Alienation too, my husband, my dad and my friends husband are not those men. Even now after all these years my dad still asks about my mom and won't let there be any bad talk about her, my husband just refuses to talk about his ex wife as she is the mother of his eldest two children and my husbands friend just wants to be able to see his son. None of the dads I know ever wanted to remove the moms from the lives of their children, when my husband saw his children, he actively encouraged them to call mom every day even when the children didn't want to talk to mom. I only got fours hours every two weeks with my dad so not long enough for him to encourage me to call my mom without taking away the precious moments we had together and my husbands friend just wanted to be able to get a long with his ex wife for the sake of their son and raising him in a healthy environment.
Now you tell me, if Parental Alienation doesn't exist, what would you call it hen a parent sets out to totally remove the other parent from the lives of their children? We are seeing estrangement and alienation of affection, we are seeing children lose the love and support of one of their parents, we are seeing what was once a close family unit totally dissolve and any bonds between the non custodial parent and the children are shattered often beyond repair and it needs to stop, NOW!
Parental Alienation has far reaching effects, the feelings of loss, of feeling unloved, of feeling undeserving can last a lifetime, trust me I know, I'm am the adult child of a maternal parental alienator and I've struggled many years to deal with my emotions.
Parental Alienation is very real and its on the rise, we need to fight the system of allowing mothers to have sole custody and making dads visitors in their children's lives, we need to fight for our children's rights to equal and unrestricted access to both parents. 50/50% Shared Custody should be the norm, not the exception.
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